The Girl Who Wasn't Sorry
by HeavensNight
Summary: Mitsuko Souma's dying thoughts. Slight Mitsuko x Kazuo


_Since Mitsuko is my favourite BR character I wrote this story as a tribute to her. I hope all Mitsuko fans enjoy. Also for all you Mitsuko/Kazuo fans there will be hints of an attraction between them (NOTE: This story is more based on the book then the film, therefore Kazuo was a classmate of Mitsukos before the game.)_

So here we are. It's not like I didn't see this coming, though. I don't suppose I'll get a decent burial, they'll probably end up burning my body. And that's what I'm hoping they'll do. I don't deserve anything more than that. I'm glad things turned out this way; if I'd have won then things would have never changed, and I'd have gone back to what I do best: ruining people's lives. This is a good thing, really. I hope whoever wins manages to get on with their life and forget this fucked up game. Though I doubt that'll happen in a hurry; most of my fellow students appeared practically catatonic whenever I encountered them. And yet I didn't feel a thing, no remorse or pity for my victims, just emptiness and nothing else. It was almost as if I wasn't doing anything wrong, like a part of me felt they were meant to die. I mean, it was my life or theirs, and since I've been selfish all my life I wasn't exactly going to give up my own life for theirs.

I wasn't always like this. I used to be this shy, timid little girl who enjoyed playing with the other girls after school, and going out places with my father on weekends. Maybe it's partly my fault, that I turned out to be the way I am, but I mostly lay the blame on them. My supposed 'parents' and of course him, that bastard. The things he did... turned my own goddamn mother against me and beat the living shit out of her on a daily fucking basis. Did the same thing to me, too, once he'd gotten bored of her. But it's not like I hadn't already dealt with that shit. People are always blaming the parents for the way their kids turn out. Well I for one agree with them.

The whole gang thing was fun. Made me feel like a leader, like I was actually somebody for a change. I went overboard though, controlling them up to the point where they actually became afraid of me, too afraid to tell me I'd gone too far. I was in a bad state of mind back then, I was still in that state of mind up to about three minutes ago. I guess death was the only thing that could cure me. Well, I'm not sure I'm really dead yet, maybe this is just that part before death where you experience flashbacks of your life and all that crap, yeah, that's probably it. In any case they trusted me, thought of me as a friend, when I never really thought of them as anything but simple minds to control. I made them into what they've become too, poisoning their once innocent minds with things that no school girl in this day and age should have to know about let alone experience. Yoshimi.. I can't believe I did that to her. After the rape, and after the men left, things went back to normal and she never spoke of the incident. I felt no shame in making a few extra yen by allowing those men to violate her like that. But I know now that it must have hurt her. And then there's Hirono. I was the one who got her into drugs and prostitution. At first she idolized me but then she slowly began to fear me. But I wouldn't allow her to get out while she could: I had decided that if I was going down, she was going down with me.

I had so much anger to vent and I took out all of my problems on everyone around me. No wonder they hated my guts. I was a bitch til the end and I'm not going to deny that fact. I never formed a real relationship, I only spent my time fucking any of the boys (or men) who could give me something back in return, whether it was drugs or money, or both. At one point I had a slight crush on Kazuo Kiriyama. Why I did I'll never really know, since he was obviously the one to finally kill me in the end. I admired Kazuo for the way he never let anyone know how he was feeling, and the way he never let anyone get the better of him. He also didn't give a shit what others thought of him. Sometimes I'd find myself watching him, wondering if it was really a crush I had on him or whether he just inspired me a little. I saw a different side to him during the Program though. I knew from the first morning announcement that myself and Kazuo were two of the students taking part in this game of cold blooded murder. There was no doubt in my mind that Kazuo had killed atleast several of our fellow classmates, he was just cold like that. I caught a glance at him before we set off and I knew at once that he was going to kill as many of us as he could if it meant getting out of here. He actually looked interested, and that bothered me. And I shouldn't have cared less. Kazuo didn't scare me, nobody did. But that look unnerved me quite a bit. I decided it was best to stay away from him for the time being.

And so I killed. First was Megumi, for I had always intended to kill her; even if it had been Hirono or Yoshimi hiding inside that house, I wouldn't have thought twice about killing either of them. I was so desperate to survive, I felt like I had to kill everyone I encountered. Which is exactly what I did. And the funny thing is, though my life is coming to an end, I don't regret killing them as much as I should. Why? I don't know. You know a leopard doesn't change it's spots. Just because I'm now getting to experience the sweet release of death doesn't mean for one damn second that I've changed. It's sad, but true. I should regret killing my fellow classmates but I don't. Atleast not too much. I hated most of them and they hated me. I don't even know why I hated them, I just found it hard to trust anyone in my life, and most people that I encountered I hated on sight, the lucky ones had the choice of siding with me instead of becoming potential victims. Hirono and Yoshimi for example. They were smart about it. They unlike the others knew that I wasn't to be messed with and in time I earned their respect. Even after the things I put them through, and the unspeakable things we did together, they still remained true and loyal to me til the end. Of course, the Program fucked things up. After we left that classroom nobody trusted eachother. And I know without a doubt that if the opportunity had arised to kill me then one of them would have done it without any regrets. We were all selfish really, we all wanted to win. And now most of us are dead because of our stupidity. We could have just gone out like heroes, refused to fight or something like that, instead of resorting to murder. But we didn't. There's no changing the past though. I'm the one to blame for most of the killings, along with Kazuo it seems. I can still see his face grinning down at me through the pouring rain, as if he actually enjoyed pointing his gun at me and pulling the trigger.

It's the end now. I've had my time, and I fucked it up tremendously. Nobody will remember me. And the ones who do will refuse to speak my name. I don't mind too much though. I wonder who'll win? Probably Kazuo. He seems smart enough to pull it off.

It's getting dark now. Shit, I'm actually scared. Me, scared? Well, I am dying, after all. But I'm not sorry. I might regret a few things, such as killing my classmates amongst other things, but I'm definitely not sorry. I'm not going to apologize for things I've already done. I'm going to Hell and I know it, but somehow I don't give a fuck. It's where I belong afterall.

Thanks for this, Kazuo. You did a good thing today.

But I'll never be sorry.


End file.
